FUCK YOU, FASHION

Fashion –

noun: a popular or the latest style of clothing, hair, decoration, or behaviour.

verb: make into a particular form.

As a non celebrity, when you post tweet or a Facebook status, the last thing you expect is an industry uproar.

If you exist within or are at least acquainted with the London fashion universe, you’ll have heard the name ‘Charli Howard’ one hundred times this past fortnight. Her Facebook open letter to the fashion industry – specifically to her now ex-agency – has so far been shared 968 times, garnering so much attention that only days later she appeared on Channel 4 News and the BBC.

On Monday, vogue.com published an interview with her. Now THAT’S a fuck you to her ex agency.

Even the most loyal fashion worshipper is well aware of that this long time controversy within the fashion industry regarding the health of models. I remember an uproar in the mid noughties when the term “size zero” was massively talked about in the news and media after runway models literally starved themselves to death. A decade before that, a teenage Kate Moss was the poster girl for fashion movement “heroin chic”. And even with the seeming rise of plus size agencies, positive body image advocates and models like Cara Delevigne becoming known for their ‘personaltiy’, this issue is now so deep rooted that it has spread way beyond the realm of high fashion runway shows and magazines.

Fashion is arguably the most powerfully influencing industry in modern society. For all the positive, creative and, I suppose, entertaining outcomes, the negatives are terrifyingly dangerous. This is an industry that does not encourage liking yourself, whether you are a model or a consumer. It breeds a sense of genetic hierarchy based on looks alone, no matter how they try to sugarcoat it. It is the romanticism of a one dimensional way of life, that leaves many of us feeling subconsciously empty and not good enough. It is a race in which no one will ever will, because what we are aspiring to achieve is literally impossible.

When I began modelling, I was horrendously naive. I had what I thought was a sturdy high sense of self worth, so that when others around me discussed the negatives on the job, I shrugged them off with such classics as, “It won’t affect me”, “I won’t let myself be pressured into changing”, and “if I get told I’m not good enough, I’ll chuckle and dance and leave, head held high.” I never once considered how something I saw purely as a sweet money maker, could completely transform my self esteem and self perception.

Thankfully, I have never received complaints about measurements from an agency. But I have lost count the amount of times I have been upset by team members and casting managers’ comments about me. Me, a human being. Not a product or a 2d cardboard cut out. When it’s you they’re talking about, it suddenly becomes very personal. But at the same time, there is an underlying sense that it’s your fault, because no one forced you to be a model. You chose this job. You pay your rent because of this job. So, you shrug off all the little looks, whispers, tuts and scribbles, and they quietly store themselves into your subconscious until you start seeing a product when you look in the mirror, instead of a human being with emotions and thoughts.

I am someone that continues to model, albeit very carefully, even though I have recognised this. Maybe because for all it’s faults, being a model can still be fun, rewarding and almost addictive. But I am upset with fashion. I am sick of seeing beautiful, kind, intelligent girls slowly being churned through a factory system and left with broken self esteems and robotic falsities.

I am sick of the thought of normal little girls idolising, thinking that models bodies, features, hair and skin are normal and effortless, and therefore wrecking their minds and bodies striving for something so unattainable.

Since Charli’s honest and down right brave* admission, fresh stories of mistreatment, pressure and negativity continue to surface from current and retired models.

In an ideal world, this negative attention will see this domino effect continue to show ball into gigantic proportion, transforming the industry as a whole. For Vogue, the largest influencer of fashion worldwide, to support Charli, speaks volumes.

*”Brave” is often used lightly in feminist rants. A lot of the time, I disagree with the use of the word. My idea of a brave woman, for right use of the word, is Malala Yousafzai. But if you are too a model, you will agree that Charli’s out pouring was potentially detrimental to her career, so it was indeed brave of her to be so honest on such an open and accessible platform.

Happiness

Love & other drugs

Romantic relationships seem to be the underlying influence to our emotional and personal lives. Perhaps this is how humans have developed over centuries, but look back to further – Zeus’s lovers and Hera’s jealousy, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, Lancelot and Guinevere, Layla and Majnun, Pyramus and Thisbe – and it becomes quite clear that romance, love and obsession are hardly modern ideas.

The vast majority of movies, books, music and art are focused on love. In our culture, the majority of adults are in (or in and out) of relationships. Every single one of us are on this Earth due to a romantic relationship or at least a romantic exchange. It’s everywhere you go, and it’s inescapable.

I began my first relationship at 16, living my late teen years and early twenties in and out of love, without much time to comprehend the most important love of all – the love you have for yourself.

Around two years ago, I was single for the longest I’ve ever been – a year – and although it pains me to admit it, it was great. Not because I was “free”/able to sleep around, etc. But because for the first time, I met the real stripped down me – who as it turns out, I actually really liked.

If a relationship is right, it’s a wonderful place to be. But I can’t help but feel that we grow in a different kind of way when we’re single. There is a lack of intimate emotional support that deems we look after ourselves like Lionesses look after their cubs. Having a Lion is lovely, and in a weird way, reliving, but perhaps not as satisfying.

We are all aware of the cliche, “Love is drug”, suggesting love has good and bad consequences and addicting tendencies. But scientifically, love is a lot more of a drug than you would expect.

Relationships change the way our brain releases chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, the chemicals that draw and keep us together. Oxytocin and dopamine make us feel a levelled euphoria. Oxytocin is what is released when a mother gives birth, therefore bonding her to her baby.

The desperation we feel to stay together, no matter how rational a break up, isn’t just a fear of being alone – it is actually due to the withdrawal from oxytocin. Which is exactly why after days, week, or months, depending on the individual, we look back on break ups with the sense that it was the right thing to do, because our brain chemicals have returned to their normal level once the ‘love rehab’ has been completed.

Relationships are amazing, and I of course cannot speak for everyone. But personally, I am beginning to understand “love” as a chemical reaction, and becoming aware of the negative connotations within that “love”.

No matter how positive and loving the relationship may begin, If we’re not careful, co-dependency and the sense of needing each other for all the wrong reasons, can creep up so quietly and gently that we can look down to find ourselves stuck in waist high quick sand before we even have the chance to say, “We need to talk.”

This stage in a relationship is extremely exhausting. In the past, I have definitely felt that this stage has made me lose my sense of self and my self worth. Being in a close emotional relationship changes our understanding of ourselves, because Oxytocin tells us that “we are one” with that person, therefore blurring the lines of our inward individuality.

I think most of us unconsciously have looked to our partners to meet our emotional needs whilst at least attempting to accept theirs. For me, years of disappointment has only highlighted the fact that you can never emotionally depend on another human. One, because it is totally unfair to them, and two, because only you and you alone can ever completely emotionally support yourself.

Trust me, this is a new admission for me. I once boasted my ability to remain a completely rounded independent individual within my relationships. I was sure that I would never ever obsess over a partner, revolve my life around theirs or let that person influence my choices or personality.

But ask yourself, really and truly – could you say this?

Or, subconsciously, have you craved unrealistic levels of attention from a partner? Let their mood, decisions, or interests influence yours? Become irrationally territorial over them? Felt a hyper sensitive sense of worthlessness due to their behaviours?

It’s overwhelming to admit, that I have felt this in probably all of my serious romantic relationships, at some point or another. Instinctually, I thought, “Wow. I am really emotionally messed up.” But if I, a relatively normal, privileged, emotionally stable young woman has, maybe these aren’t such abnormal things after all.

I have a lot to learn when it comes to love and relationships. In the grand scheme of things, I haven’t finished the first chapter. But one thing I am sure of, is that we can not be responsible to fixing each other. We can support and encourage, but we each have our own needs and paths to follow. If the compatibility in a relationship is wavering, take a step back and reevaluate. I can tell you from experience that the break down of a relationship is not the end of your world – it’s the beginning of a new one. Maybe, on the way, you’ll fall in love with yourself and settle with that.

And if you find yourself lucky enough the meet the perfect person for you, a relationship between two happy individuals will be a lot more successful than two halves of one un happy couple.

Health

TOILET TALK

It’s a lovely Spring day. I’m lucky enough to live in London, the best city in the world. There are endless fun things to do with handfuls of friends that I love spending my time with. Also, I am delightfully almost 100% over the worst throat infection of my life, giving me a new appreciation of being able to eat, sleep, work and play free from horrible pain.

Yet, I find myself laying face down on my bed – an all too familiar experience for me.

It all began four years ago. Almost overnight, I started getting sick after meals virtually everyday. Upset stomachs are relatively normal, but being in so much pain and discomfort that you end up squirming on the floor of a Conde Nast office, eventually crawling to the toilet, is not so normal (I didn’t dare ask for an internship the following Summer).

Turned out, after months of doctors appointment, hospital appointments and holistic method’s, I was told that I had “IBS”.

So what exactly is IBS?

It is thought that 10-20% of people in Britain will experience IBS at some point of their life. Unfortunately for me, I am one of them.

“Irritable bowel syndrome is a common condition of the digestive system. It can cause bouts of stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhoea and constipation.”

That’s the basic description of what IBS is. Everyone suffers differently, so it is impossible for me to tell you exactly what happens and why. Personally, my symptoms come and go in bouts, usually in times of stress or after eating certain foods.

For around six months, I found IBS really hard to deal with. For someone who used to eat everything, suddenly having to restrict food was really tough. I lost a lot of weight because almost everything I ate made me sick. I was extremely unhappy.

After doing some research, I found out that an estimated 3 out of 4 people with IBS will have at least one bout of depression, and just over half will develop an anxiety disorder. It can seriously impact your life.

It got to a point where I realised that living like this wasn’t healthy, and was probably making my IBS worse. So I started researching. I became engrossed in recipe books and health websites. I visited dieticians and started devising eating plans. Through trial and error, I am now at a stage where I can manage my IBS and can usually avoid flare ups. (Today being an exception. I expect the antibiotics I am on for my throat infection have spurred this episode on.)

How bloating makes me feel…

Toilet talk is still a huge taboo in British culture, especially for a woman.

Most women I meet that suffer from IBS will not discuss it. it’s not exactly a conversation starter, is it? Ladies aren’t supposed to fat, let alone often and (quite often) potent. At first, I masked my problems and made excuses. Now, I am not embarrassed about my IBS at all. Why shouldn’t I talk about it and be open about it, when I am the one who has to suffer it? It is a medical condition, after all. Yes, sometimes I literally sit on the toilet for an hour with diarrhoea. Yes, I fart quite a lot when I’m feeling unwell, it yes, it stinks. Yes, my tummy balloons to look like I’m close to my due date. And I refuse to be embarrassed about it. The people that know and love me are sympathetic to it because they witness how hard it is. It’s no laughing matter. Although, I do try to make light of it – without self deprivation I’d probably be in tears most days.

But some days it is difficult to stay positive in an industry crucially image based. There are some days where, literally, none of my clothes fit me. I often thoughtlessly blurt out that I feel fat, but it’s more uncomfortable. Not fat, not in debilitating pain.

My job doesn’t exactly help matters. 99% of the time a lunch at a job will consist of crisps, biscuits, and sandwiches at best. I mostly stock up on 9 Bars and Trek Bars to get me through. On days when I can’t get to Holland and Barrett, there is often a very awkward exchange between an assistant and I explaining why I can’t eat even the vegetarian option (bread),

For most models, there is always a pressure to arrive at a job with a perfectly flat stomach and refreshed face. Perhaps because I feel that pressure, and stress is a main contributor to IBS, I always feel an episode stirring when I’m at work; mostly a false alarm, but awful when it’s not.

(Funnily enough, quite a few of my model friends suffer from IBS. But you won’t find that in a Vogue interview.)

Part of me believes dealing with IBS has been a blessing in disguise – I am in much better shape now than I ever was before I got sick. I am incredibly healthy and in a much better mental state than I was before I was diagnosed.

My tips for managing IBS actually apply to everybody that wants to lose weight, get fit, or just wants to live life a little healthier. They are so simple and easy and most of the time, effort and cost free.

Tips for IBS that everyone should follow.

1. Drink water. LOTS OF IT.

I always have a bottle of water to hand; whether at work, in the car, at home, or when I‘m out. Water will help with all aspects of the digestive processes. We need 2.5 litres a day for the body to function properly. IBS sufferers should be drinking extra water to balance our systems. I make sure that I drink a bottle of water first thing in the morning and before every meal. But everyone should be drinking water; it’s natures biggest secret, and it comes straight from a tap – no excuse! (For the appearance conscious, water also helps with your skin, eye brightness, hair, nails and is the best weight loss aid.)

2. Cut down/off sugar, caffeine and alcohol.

Sugar really messes me up, so I’ve tried to cut it out in food as best I could (obviously natural sugar isn’t as bad). I do not drink anything other than water or green tea – honestly! Everything else should be avoided, or taken in moderation. Sugary drinks are full of air bubbles will add more gas to your digestive system. They are also either laden with calories are artificial sweeteners which are awful for your insides, your teeth and your skin. Caffeine and alcohol are also both stimulants to the digestive system and can increase IBS symptoms.

3. Have an eating schedule to train your body and mind.

I have breakfast within the first hour of your day. It starts your metabolism and gets your body into gear. Don’t skip meals because the digestive system fills up with extra air when it’s empty, which causes cramping and bloating. The best way for me is to eat three meals a day at regular times, usually 8 – 2 – 7. If you install times for eating mentally, you’ll feel less inclined to become ‘emotionally hungry’ (comfort eat) or snack. No mammoth portions – overloading on food which will shock your body. And eat slowly! You need to give your body time to digest food and feel full.

4. Banish junk.

Whether you suffer from IBS or not, junk food is a huge no-no. Your body needs nutritious, fresh food. Not only for the digestive system, but for overall fitness and health. There are many ways to make healthy food interesting and tasty. And once you change your ways, the sight of greasy kebabs and pizza will turn your stomach. JUST DO IT.

5. Get moving!

Without counting weight loss, fitness, muscle building and fun, exercise is great for two main reasons: One: exercise is a brilliant stress reliever. Countless studies have shown that regular exercise can help relieve stress. Two: exercise is critical for the proper functioning of the gastrointestinal system. If your body is sluggish, your stomach will be too; if your body is fit and active, your stomach will be healthier and better regulated.

I try my best to exercise everyday. If I am busy with studying or work and can’t get to the gym, I walk or jump rope – both simple and easy for anyone, anywhere. If you can’t get to the gym today, even walking at a moderate pace for 30 minutes will help!

6. Work out your individual food triggers.

IBS has given me intolerances to wheat, lactose and eggs. Some days, I can eat these things and be fine. But around 70% of the time, they make me ill. A lot of people gamble with food and continue to eat them. But I found that it was easier to cut them out completely, as, for me, the taste is not worth the pain. But even in non-IBS sufferers, certain foods can cause discomfort, bloating (a lot of people say this about wheat) and lack of energy. Starting a diet diary is a good way to work these out – monitor what you eat, what times, how you feel afterwards, and if you really want to get into it, your ‘bowel movements’. And if it means cutting out certain foods, do some research to find out what you can replace them with. For example, cutting out wheat meant cutting wheat bread, but I replaced it with Rye bread. Soya milk is also a nutritious replacement for cows milk.

7. AAAAAND RELAX.

Bubble baths, calm dog walks, yoga, reading and of course, sleeping are my favourite ways to de-stress and relax the body. In many people the main cause of IBS is stress; The body and mind are linked very tightly. Your body works very hard, so be kind and give it the down time it deserves. Your gut will thank you! And ultimately, so will your brain.

There are very few treatments and perscribed medical aid for IBS, but there are also products available over the counter that can help. Lucky for you, four years of my own trial and error can now advise you.

These are great to keep in your handbag in case of a surprise restaurant. If you realise the flare up early enough, these can actually help to maintain a normal functioning day! Hallelujah!

Fybogel is designed to maintain regularity and “healthy” bowel movements. When used properly these work very well. I take every morning after a glass of warm water and lemon, before breakfast, and just before you brush your teeth at bed time. Not bad tasting, either.

I don’t enjoy or recommend using suppositories regularly, but sometimes, IBS leaves you with no other option. Do not use if you’re planning on leaving the house any time soon or engaging in any sexy time.

I know it’s “expensive” but if you can afford £1.90 for a single tea bag and hot water from Starbucks, buying good tea for your house doesn’t seem that extortionate. It really does chill out your stomach. Replacing caffeine filled drinks with this and sugar and sweeteners with some fruit sugar or Stevia will massively improve IBS symptoms. It’s the new latte, daaaahhhling.

Do you suffer from IBS and can suggest any more tips or products? Let me know in the comments!

Leo X

Happiness, Health

Attack of the New Year Resolutions

Before Christmas has even properly begun, “New Year, New Me!” is a phrase frequently heard as soon as December hits. The post Christmas ‘urgh’ is inevitably close – that feeling of bloat and uncomfortably after a week of hearty home cooking, biscuit tins, cold nights and duvet days.

Social networks have been plagued by lists of New Year’s Resolutions; the most frequent contender on my girlfriends list’s are “Get in shape”, “Get my eighteen year old body back”, “Summer body” and “Lose weight”. Often included is a photo of a Victoria Secret model on a beach looking AMAZING. It’s great to feel inspired and motivated after the holidays to start / get back into shape, but it will not happen over night, and there is no secret or quick-slim solution. I think what we really need is to re-think our goals.

Go into a newsagents and pick up any magazine – chances are, the front cover will be littered with images of female celebrities with headlines concerned with their appearance; whether it’s “Cheryl’s New Hair!”, “Victoria’s Skin Secret!”, or, perhaps the most concerning, “Reality-TV-Star puts on weight!”. Yet the same magazines feature pages upon pages of ‘perfect’ woman, with tiny waists, flawless skin, glossy hair, legs like giraffes and Hollywood smiles.

We compare ourselves to these women. But these women are not real. They may be pretty or even beautiful in real life, but these images have been tweaked to this perfection. When women look at these images, something in their brain says “I need to look like that.” This sort of perfection is impossible to achieve until some science genius invents a real life Photoshop machine. On top of this, when we see a teeny tiny skinny mini, chances are she has worked extremely hard for her body – whether she’s worked out a lot and eaten very well, or she’s been very un healthy with it (please don’t go down that route, it’s definitely not worth it).

All women (and men) have different body types. We come in many different shapes and sizes. In most cases, no amount of exercise, dieting or starving will change your genetic make-up. If you are holding onto a little extra padding, of course eating right and exercise will help you lose it. The naturally skinny women are the minority. The average dress size for women in the UK is a 14. Research has confirmed that it is more difficult for women to shed the pounds than men, because women’s bodies are simply more efficient at storing fat. It’s nature.

We women need to change the way we think about our bodies, our weight and this idea of ‘perfection’. We need to set ourselves realistic goals and concentrate less on our weight or size (unless you are unhealthily below or above your BMI) – and focus on our health, shape and happiness.

The best way to get this mindset working, is to establish your body shape – whether you’re petite, an apple or pear shape, an hourglass, curvy, tall, etc etc. Now, decide what your goal is – realistically. Forget about the fad diets, they will not work in the long term and are not good for you, mentally or physically. In fact, forget the diet mentality all together. You need to make these changes for life. I’m not saying “never eat chocolate ever again, it’s evil!”, because some ‘bad’ food in moderation will not kill you. The 80/20 rule is what a lot of women live by – 80% of what you eat is healthy and nutritious and 20% is indulgence. This means that you are not deprived of food that you crave, and you are therefore less likely to binge when you tell your mind that it’s not allowed. One piece of chocolate won’t make you put on weight – but the whole box probably will.

Changing your eating habits will make you lose weight, yes. But, this shouldn’t be the priority. What matters most is your health. We need to change the false views that ‘perfection equals happiness’. It’s not real, and you will never find happiness chasing something as real as Santa Claus. It’s health that can equal happiness.

But whatever you do, do not beat yourself up about it. Food is supposed to be enjoyed while giving you energy and keeping you healthy. Do not make food your enemy. Do not make exercise a chore. Do not waste your life stressing about how you look. Do not look in the mirror and hate yourself, because hating yourself will not make you look or feel any better. All women are different, and the most beautiful woman are those that are happy and healthy and confident in their own skin.

Advice, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Interview

TUESDAY TALKS: Rudie McCree

MEET RUDIE: If you know anything about the London fashion world right now, you’ll know about Rudie McCree. This beautiful lady seems to be everywhere you turn your head; whether you’re doing some online shopping with Topshop, keeping up to date with catwalk shows or flicking through fashion magazines, her lion’s mane and pretty feline features manage to steal the attention away from the clothes she’s wearing without even trying. Envy inducing, right? Somehow, whether it’s in her fun, positive attitude, her passion for everything she’s doing or simply her inviting energy, you can’t help but fall in love with Rudie. I’ll have what she’s having.

NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE: Miss McCree is also a talented singer/songwriter with a debut EP in the pipeline. Patience not your forte? Here’s a clip from a few years ago.

What is ‘beautiful’ to you?

To me it’s about love, the ability to love everything and everyone, it’s more of an aura than a look. Beautiful people are people who know how to love and find the joy in any moment. That’s the best way I can describe it.

What’s your top beauty secret?

I would say just listen to your body, it has an amazing way of warning you when something’s not quite right, also meditation can increase all aspects of beauty. But if your looking for an actual product it would have to be coconut oil, it can be used as a moisturiser, for healthier and stronger hair, a makeup remover as well as a primer the benefits are endless.

What do you love most about yourself?

It would definitely have to be my determination and self belief in myself. Once I set a goal I will not stop until I have accomplished it in spite of any set backs. And of course my hair, because why not 😉

Screen Shot 2014-11-10 at 17.40.12

Happiness, Health

LIGHTENING BOLTS & TIGER STRIPES

The media’s boring and frankly dumb obsession with adding negative connotations to our physical “imperfections” (which, by the way, are mostly completely natural and normal and healthy characteristics of the human body) eternally taint our perceptions of our own bodies and appearances as a whole.

One repeated offence which I REALLY don’t get is the issue with stretch marks:

external skin scarring caused by the tearing of a under layer of skin
mostly caused by rapid stretching on the skin (growth spurts, pregnancy, weight changes, etc.)
also caused by hormonal changes (puberty, pregnancy, body building, etc).

A quick Google search will show you the common opinions and conceptions of stretch marks (this list has not been edited or created for your entertainment).

“”How to Get Rid of Stretch Marks: 15 Steps (with Pictures)”

“Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Not Safe From Stretch Marks”

“Stretch Mark Removal Treatments – Types, Cost & Results”

“OMG! Models With Stretch Marks!”

“101 Reasons I Hate Being Fat!: #49 – Stretch marks”

I was kind of laughing to myself at the ridiculousness of my research, until I saw the last two examples

Why should it be such a shock that models (human beings) get stretch marks? Yes, models do get stretch marks. I know because, well, I AM a model and I DO have stretch marks. I rest my case.

Secondly, it breaks my heart a little bit that stretch marks are associated with being “fat”, which is in tern associated with being unhealthy and even ugly.

Again, I am living proof of this, having never been over a UK size 8 in my life.

Come to think of it, I’m almost sure that every woman I know has them. Yet we have been conditioned to hate them by our perfection obsessed society. Online and print publications twist words to make it sound like they’re doing us a favour by teaching us how to prevent or reverse these AWFUL SHAMEFUL UGLY imperfections. We’re recommended creams, oils, laser treatments, even skin surgery! Stretch marks’ cousin, cellulite, is another hated body “affliction”, with maybe even more crazy “solutions” for erasion.

Why should we have to go through the effort of attempted removal of things that occur on our body so naturally, wasting money, breeding negativity and demoting our self worth?

I can’t imagine any woman pre-1960’s having anxieties about stretch marks or cellulite. Then again, there was no Photoshop, no Instagram, no televised Victoria Secret catwalk show to weep over. The fashion industry is SELLING A FANTASY. I’m not one of these people that are passionate about the banning of Photoshop but I do think that people, particularly young girls, need to be aware of this. Reality and fantasy can co exist as long as we are strong enough to not allow it to cloud our judgements of ourselves and others.

So next time a magazine attempts to emotionally bully you into hating your stretch marks / cellulite / grey hair / wrinkles / any other completely NORMAL AND NATURAL physical trait, laugh in the face of ignorance. They are your badge of honour, the lines of a map of your life – be proud that you grew from girl to woman. Be proud that you went through the growth of pregnancy to create new life. Be proud that you are at the healthiest weight for your body and not the weight that a magazine tells you to be.

Next time you look down at your hips or the side of your thighs, realise how cool it is to have glistening purple and white lightening bolts etched across your skin. Would a tiger hate her stripes?

Advice, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Interview

TUESDAY TALKS: Maddie M

MEET MADDIE: There’s definitely something about Maddie… At 5’11 she is a long legged gazelle of a woman with a face so cute it could have been drawn for a Disney film. And yes, she may look and sound like a Scandinavian sex siren, but don’t be fooled in assuming that all you’d get from the magnificent Miss M is a glistening smile and a few girly giggles. When I’m having a down day, she’s the first person I go to for a confidence cleanse. Maybe there’s something in that Swedish air… Whatever it is, we could all learn a thing or two from this lady.

NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE: Maddie is one of the smartest women I’ve ever met and as driven as a golf ball; she is in her final year at Cass Business School, studying Business Finance with hopes of going onto grad school. How’s that for Girl Power?

What is ‘beautiful’ to you?
I know everybody says it is what you hold on the inside but I really believe that is true. When it comes to modelling you learn how subjective beauty actually is and how everyone sees you – and your looks – differently. At the end of the day it is what you have on the inside that counts.
But I must confess I have always had an extremely weak spot for guys with nice cheekbones…

What’s your top beauty secret?
Well except from eating healthy and not smoking it is training. And when I say train, I mean actually train, not walking with an incline on a treadmill. You know what they say – skinny girls look good in clothes but fit girls look good naked 😉
Except from that it is my gradual tan facial moisturiser, it makes me look so much better haha. Some girls can rock the pale look, but unfortunately I am not one of them.

What do you love the most about yourself?
My abs and my brain. I really make an effort to work out and maintain my muscle. It’s not easy but the results make it worth it!

Advice, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Interview

TUESDAY TALKS: Melise Williams

MEET MELISE: Originally hailing from sunny Sydney, Australia, Melise Williams is a true globetrotter; she has shot with the best photographers and walked the runways of NYC, LA, Milan, Paris, Dubai, Turkey and New Zealand (to name a few…). Lucky for us, she is currently taking London by storm with her elfin features and Aussie wit.

NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE: Miss Williams is a passionate foodie, and keeps followers up to date with ‘THE FOODIE ADVENTURES OF A TRAVELLING MODEL’ on her Instagram. She is also a talented actress in training, so watch this space!

What is ‘beautiful’ to you?

What is beautiful to me is not what’s on the outside but what you hold on the inside – your energy! I can’t put my finger on it but it’s when someone radiates a vibrant, beautiful energy. It’s catching almost! That’s what beauty means to me.

What’s your top beauty secret?

My secret is honestly healthy living: eating well, sleep well, get rest, and be positive and keep believing in yourself. Also I love putting pure rose water on my skin (a little tip from my amazing grandmother) Also WATER WATER WATER. And if you want to treat yourself, do. ENJOY LIFE! You only have one!

What do you love the most about yourself?

My determination I think. Even though sometimes I can’t see the light, a little voice inside me says keep going because everything is going to be okay. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end!

Advice, Happiness

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”

How many times have you heard a loveable friend say the heart wrenching words,

“I NEEEEED a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/life partner”?

During a conversation with Steve Inskeep aired on Morning Edition in 2012, the late great Phillip Seymour Hoffman said, “to be loved, I think, is like, the thing that gets you up in the morning.” I agree with him to an extent. Of course, we all want to be loved, cared for and somewhat cherished. But hearing the desperation in my friends voice – a girl that is for the most part really cool and intelligent, by the way – made me feel thoroughly sad. My facial expression was not too dissimilar to this:

The friend sensed it. I’ve never been good at “putting on a face.”

The idea of LOVE, however you may chose to define it, is romantically installed in us from the word go. “Soul mates” sounds ever so lovely, doesn’t it? The idea that there is someone out there just waiting to be found (or for the lucky ones, found long ago) that will make our life complete and our entire being happy and fulfilled forever and ever until death do us part. Nice sentiment, sure. But is that really all the human race is capable of? Needing another whole person to complete another entirely whole person?

My opinion is, we shouldn’t need another human to make us whole. I’ve been ‘in love’, to the best of my knowledge*. It’s really really nice, and I’m in no way disputing that. But there is a lot of things in life which make us whole, and I don’t think that responsibility should be laid upon any human other than yourself. And what exactly defines a soul mate? Richard Bach says, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.” Instead of falling over backwards in our attempts to find ‘the one’ that will complete us, searching hopelessly for the perfect person (if there is such a thing as perfection personified) and using up important time, energy and emotion in helpless feeble relations, perhaps we should look inside ourselves. What if we already own both our lock and key, without the need for a foreign object?

I like the idea that we may have many soul mates across our lives. Whether it be a best friend, a companion, a sibling or a parent. If you’re one of the lucky ones that has fallen in love with their best friend, and believe that they are the missing puzzle piece to your work of wooden art, I am very happy for you. There is nothing wrong with being happy in love. In fact, I wish it for all of us. But there is so much more to life and so much more to the world than finding a romantic love. Love can fill a gap, but no one can complete you but yourself.

*Love is many different things to many different people, and in my experience, you’re only in love with the person that you’re currently in love with. When that love dies and you find another person to love or another kind of love, the past love somehow becomes undermined or disappears at all. So can everyone ever really be sure that they are “in love”????? But that, dear reader, is a conversation for another day.

Advice, Happiness, Inspiration

Girls: why do we fight over men?

It’s not easy being a women:

We bleed for a week a month for forty years straight.

Western society makes us shave our legs every two days.

We have to force a bowling ball (a really big bowling ball) out of our little lady parts… Sometimes more than once.

And that’s without the everyday negative energies surrounding female relationships, our perceptions of each other and the subtle, yet brutal, ever present war within our own gender. As little girls, when our minds are tiny sucking sponges, fairy tales within books, movies or fables force us little girls to witness the beautiful Princesses as targets of bitchy behaviour. The ugly sisters wreck Cinderella’s gown to prevent her from impressing the Prince. The mermaids literally attempt to drown Wendy because they are jealous of her relationship with heart throb Peter Pan. Snow White’s step mum poisons her. Already, when the thoughts of dating, sex and marriage are yet to conquer our minds, we are taught that women must compete against each other, more often then not stemming from the interests of impressing and ultimately “winning” the men.

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Thankfully, I’ve never been physically bullied, drowned or poisoned by anyone over the affections of a male. But I have experienced far too much hostility, whether first hand or merely as a witness. Whether we admit it or not, whether it be environmental or deep rooted somewhere in our cave woman instinct, there’s something in us as women, that sees danger in other women.

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Granted, there are some women out there – actually, no, there are some humans out there – that aren’t very nice at all. Some are even evil. But I’m talking about the victimising of women that haven’t actually done anything wrong.

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Such as, 1. Your ex boyfriends new girlfriend.

If you haven’t at least once stalked your ex boyfriends new girlfriend’s Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, either I need your secret to contentedness, or you’re lying. It’s human nature to be intrigued, of course. But what about when those subconscious questions come into play: is she an upgrade or a downgrade? If you aren’t over him – does she deserve him? If he was awful to you – why is he treating her better? I can’t remember ever hearing of a girl that has recently discovered her ex’s new girlfriend and has subsequently come away with a positive perception of her. You never hear her say, “Dan’s new girlfriend is so pretty, I hope they’re making each other very happy”, unless she’s being sarcastic, or untruthful. More often than not, what you do hear is, “Dan’s new girlfriend looks like such a slut/bitch/insert derogatory term”. The only reason explanation I can think of for this kind of analysis is that the friend in question feels threatened/insecure. But my guess is Dan’s new girlfriend is probably a nice girl and probably unknowing of the details of your past relationship with Dan. So she hasn’t done anything wrong and doesn’t deserve your hostility. Instead of attacking this girl, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you feel this way about her. Maybe there are some issues you need to address when it comes to your ex boyfriend or your relationship. And who knows – more likely than not, she’s also virtually stalking you, experiencing the same territorial emotions as you. Which brings me to case point two,

2.Your current boyfriends ex girlfriend.

Again, we’ve all done it (can you see a pattern, yet?) – stumbled across a social network and somehow landed on the girl who loved your man before you came along. We feel the same range of emotions we do about the ex’s new girlfriend. The same wondering, the same comparison. Only this is worse, because you’re currently so loved up with your boyfriend that the thought of him loving someone else before you makes you want to scream/cry/be sick/maybe strangle her. All of which are reasonable, territorial emotions to go through (except maybe the strangling. Don’t do that). But look at it the same way as example 1: she had him before you, yes, but she doesn’t have him now. I doubt they still want each other, otherwise, wouldn’t they be together? There is absolutely no need to feel hatred towards her. If he is a good boyfriend to you, chances are that’s down to his experiences with her, so she’s done you a favour. And even if she treated him badly, affecting how he deals with things like trust, remember: there are always two sides to every story. I’m not saying be best friends with this girl, that may be a little weird (especially when you start trading stories about your boyfriend… Ew), but give her the benefit of the doubt, and stop breeding negative energy in your own being by hoarding negative feelings about her. The lesson in these two examples is be confident within yourself so that you don’t feel the need to put yourself up against someone that is not in the same race as you. Also, try not to lurk – you know you’ll only see thing that you don’t want to, so why torture yourself? Work on your own life instead of wondering about a strangers.

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3. The girl your boyfriend cheated on you with.

This is probably the trickiest situation for us girls to deal with. Being cheated on is an absolutely awful feeling (For those that have been lucky enough to escape it, imagine having a hand rip open your chest, pull out your beating heart and putting it in a blender: that doesn’t come close to the feeling of being cheated on.) Of course, naturally, our first natural instinct is to hate him, and hate the ‘other girl’, because we’re angry and hurt and upset, of course. But take a minute to think about it – it is completely and utterly, 100% your boyfriends responsibility and not the girl he chose to cheat on you with. She could have absolutely no idea that the guy inside her has a girlfriend. As far as she is concerned, he’s single and willing. She is not a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ – she is free to enjoy sex with whoever she wants. This example changes considerably if the girl knows he has a girlfriend, or worse, knows you personally. That is what you’d call a bad friend. But I can’t help but feel that girls get a worse deal in these situations than the man. A girl I knew from school had been with her boyfriend for two years when we had sex with her best friend. She banished the friend, but easily forgave her boyfriend. Why inflict hatred on her, yet forgive your all knowing, entirely responsible partner?

And finally,

4. The girl who has the man you want. Whether you like it or not, you can’t run away from the fact that the reason you dislike this girl is because you are jealous. The sooner you admit it, the sooner you can put to bed these negative emotions. There isn’t a lot you can do in this situation, apart from appreciate the fact that they like/love each other and let their relationship run it’s course. What’s meant to be will be, so if it’s supposed to be you that he chose, he may eventually do so. But don’t hate on his girlfriend while you wait for him to make up his mind.

I would LOVE there to be a wider sense of sisterhood among women in our current time and place in history. We can understand each other while men cannot begin to even try. I can empathise with the examples above because I have experienced them in the past and know many girlfriends who have or continue to.

Instead of merely siding with friends against other girls, competing in this mindless invisible war, can’t we all be on the same team?

THE LUCKY LEO

Wellbeing for the Modern Woman.

Tag Archives: happiness

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“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”

Girls: why do we fight over men?